In the past couple years, my life has changed a lot.
We all have that road map in our heads, the ‘game plan’ for how things are supposed to go. For most people, myself included, it goes something like:
- Go to post secondary school
- Get a ‘real’ job
- Fall in love
- Get married
- Have kids
- Live Happily Ever After
So what happens when that doesn’t exactly work out…
I thought I had everything figured out, that I was on track. Steps one-four were done. I was married to a good man… but… Things there didn’t quite work out. So here I am, 25, divorced and childless.
And it has taken me awhile to realize that that is okay.
So what happened, why did things fall apart? Well long story short we both ended up wanting very different things.
About 3 years ago, I became a firefighter. This is the part of my life that I didn’t know I was missing until I found it. I fell in love with firefighting and I fell in love with my life in Kananaskis. I want to be the absolute best firefighter possible, and that meant putting a hold on having kids (along with some health complications in that regard, but that is a whole other story).
When you find that one thing that sets your soul on fire, that completes you, your reason for waking up in the morning, you follow that. Chase that. If you walk away from something that lights that passion in you, I fully believe you will live to regret it for the rest of your days. I was not prepared to live with regret for the rest of my life. If someone tells you to choose between them and the thing you are most passionate about, it is no choice at all.
So while I cried myself to sleep for my share of nights, mourning the loss of what was and what could have been, I know I made the right choice. The right choice is rarely easy, and it is one I will live with for the rest of my life, but I am okay with that. I am self-aware enough to know what I need in life and what I am not capable of living without.
My message to other people going through difficult relationships is this:
Know yourself. Know what you need in life and know your limits. Do not give up on yourself to make someone else happy. You do not want to live with regret for the rest of your life, you only get one life to live. You must be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Find someone who is prepared to truly be your partner, who will support your dreams as you support theirs.
As a side note, a relationship ending does not make either party ‘bad’, it just means you were not right for each other. To my ex-husband, I wish you nothing but happiness. I hope you find something to be passionate about and that you can find someone with whom you will be happy and with whom you share your dreams.
Moving forward from a rough couple of years, I am focusing on the things that matter and on pursuing my dreams. While married to an RCMP officer, I could not really look at having career dreams or aspirations of my own, since we would be moving every 3-5 years for the rest of our working lives. Now that I am on my own, I have the freedom to pursue my own career. And that is exactly what I am doing!
I want to become a full time firefighter. This is my dream since the day I became a firefighter. When I stepped into that bunker gear for the first time, it felt right. I knew that that was what I was meant to do. I could help people, make an actual difference in the lives of people who needed assistance. And since I started training, I have wanted to do more, to be able to help more. Over the last 3 years as a firefighter, I have taken some amazing courses to make me a stronger rescuer, and I look forward to taking many more over the course of a long career. I will write more about my career aspirations later, since that could be a blog post in and of itself…
I know that this post has been a little loopy and non-linear, but these are all things that I have been struggling to put into writing for a long time. I can’t even tell you how many times I have sat down to write about this, or about things that are currently happening in my life, but felt a block because of the dark shadow of my failed relationship. They say you have healed when you can talk about what hurt you and you no longer cry. If that is the measure for healing, then I am doing very well these days.
I want to say a huge thank you to all the incredible people in my life who have been there with me through all of this. To my parents, thank you for raising me to be strong and for supporting me when I am not. To my fire family, you guys have been my rock. You guys got me through a time so tough that I didn’t know how I was going to do it, but here I am, out the other side and stronger than ever. And finally, to KM. You have been there for me as my best friend through all of this. I don’t know what I would do without you. I love all these incredible people in my life and am so lucky to have them.
Cheers to moving forward, to living your dreams and to becoming the best version of yourself possible.